The Memory Figure Series
by Skylark Starflower
Summary: Now playing The Black Sheep and Interview With A Memory Figure
1. Kick The Memory Figure

Author's Note/Disclaimer:  I don't own Wild ARMs 3.  So there.  I also don't own Coke or my reference to Cocoon.  I do, however own Andie Platt and Ruskin "The Wildcat" Lawler.  If you'd like to borrow them for whatever reason, just drop me a note and let me know about it.  Dunno why you'd wanna, though.  ^_^

Well, this turned out a bit lamer than I hoped.  The idea was good, but it didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to.  But oh, well, here it is anyway.  ^_^ In case you're wondering, Andie and Ruskin are some Drifters I invented for a couple of other fics I'm working on.  And in case you think Ruskin's scene is a little disturbing, just keep in mind that the character himself is just a little disturbed.  ^_^

**"Kick The Memory Figure"**

**By Skylark Starflower**

**Started May 24, 2003**

**Finished May 27, 2003**

                Gallows sighed in frustration as he tried yet again to use the Memory Figure in Little Twister.

                "Beep SORRY… NO CAN DO… YOU'VE BEEN LOCKED OUT…click" Gallows growled and kicked the thing.

                "Beep AWK…!  click"

                Jet smirked.  "Cute.  They react to being kicked.  Lemme try."

                "Jet!" exclaimed Virginia as the silver haired boy delivered a sharp boot to the Memory Figure.

                "Beep ACK…!  click" Clive snickered as Bofiel fell over.  Virginia scowled at him.

                "Don't encourage them, Clive!"

                "I apologize, Virginia, but that was rather funny."  

                Virginia just sighed.

*        *        *

                Maya walked over to the Memory Figure and tried to make use of it.

                "Beep WANT SOME CANDY, LITTLE GIRL…?"

                "What!?"  Maya took a step back in surprise.  The Memory Figure merely clicked at her, looking innocent.

                "Hurry up, sis!  What's taking you so long?" called Alfred.  He, Todd and Shady were standing at the entrance to Little Rock, waiting for Maya to finish with the Memory Figure.  She waved her hand at them in the universal gesture to shut up and wait and tried again.

                "Beep DRINK COKE, PLAY AGAIN…" said Doley.

                "RAAAGH!"

                With that said, Maya dealt Doley a sharp kick that sent the Memory Figure flying through the air.

                "Beep WAHHG…!"

                "Cheeky piece of tin foil," she grumbled, joining the others and leaving town.

*        *        *

                Ruskin reached the end of Nidhogg Pass and stepped out into the surrounding greenery of the Yggdrasil area.

                "Huh.  So this is the place where I can make use of this diamond," he thought and pulled out a compass.  Finding north, he turned to the south.  "That puts that place I was told about this way."  Heading off, he eventually found Greenlodge.

                "Well, whaddya know.  The Ark's even got a Memory Figure out in this backwoods area."  He walked over and tried to use it.

                "Beep WANNA SAVE…?  TOO BAD…"

                Ruskin raised an eyebrow and tried again.

                "Beep NOTHING DOING, PAL…"

                Ruskin growled deep in his throat and tried once more.

                "Beep DON'T MAKE ME BITE YOU ON THE LEG…"

                Ruskin calmly kicked the Memory Figure over and, without a trace of expression on his face, produced one of his knives with a flick of his wrist.  With it, he cut through the front of the Memory Figure as though it were made of aluminum.  

                Then he tore the cut open and proceeded to rip out Bifiel's internal wires.  Walking over to a tree, he used these to tie the unlucky machine to an overhanging branch.

                Turning, Ruskin left the area, a trace of a smile dancing on his lips.

                Bifiel swung gently in the breeze, twisting slowly.  "Beep HELP ME…"

*        *        *

                At the Ark of Destiny, Albert found that the Memory Figure at Greenlodge needed repairs using the Ark's advanced tracking technology.

                Traveling out to the area, Albert saw Bifiel swinging on his tree branch.

                He burst into tears.

*        *        *

                Once Albert got back to the Ark, he was greeted with some more news.  Or rather, someone who had more news greeted him.

                "Andie!  What are you doing here!?"

                Andie ran over to her boyfriend and threw her arms around him.  "Figured I'd drift over this way and say hi."

                Albert broke off the hug as he stared at Andie in shock.  "You're a Drifter?  Who's doing the ARMsmithing in Laxisland?"

                "Oh, Zim said he'd cover it until he trained up someone new.  Is there a Memory Figure here I can use?"

                Albert pointed over to the inn.  "Right over there.  We've just upgraded them a few months back.  I'll be in the main room when you're done."

                Andie headed to the room where the Memory Figure waited and tried to use it.

                "Beep SORRY… I'M ON BREAK…"

                "No you're not, you piece of crap," she muttered and tried again.

                "Beep YOU ARE TRYING TO BREAK UNION RULES… KINDLY BUGGER OFF…"

                With a cry like a feral cat, Andie kicked Orley across the room.

*        *        *

                These were but a few cases of Memory Figures acting up and not doing what they were supposed to.  Many Drifters found that they were unable to make any use of them.

                So when these four groups happened to all meet by chance in the middle of the wasteland, Virginia decided they should start a club…

*        *        *

                "Here, here!"  Virginia banged her gavel on the table.  "The first meeting of … uh … this club shall come to order!  First order of business, what are we gonna call ourselves?"

                The others fell silent as they started to brainstorm name ideas. Starting at Virginia, the whole group was sitting around a circular table.  To Virginia's left sat Jet and to Jet's left was Clive.  Then came Ruskin, Maya, Alfred, Shady, Todd, Andie and Gallows.

                "I got it!" cried Gallows, "Memory Figures Die, Die, Die!"  The others gave him funny looks.  Virginia sweatdropped.

                "Uh, not quite so bloodthirsty, I think."

                Maya raised her hand.  "I think I've got one.  How about 'The Icy Black Hand Of Death?'"

                "Seconded," came Ruskin's quiet voice almost immediately.

                "Uh, we'll keep it in mind," replied Virginia as Clive shifted his chair just that much further away from Ruskin and Maya.

                "Burning Fire Burning Club!" piped up Alfred.

                Virginia sighed.  "No!  It's gotta have something to do with Memory Figures!  Even Gallows' suggestion was better than that!  

                "The name has got to send a message to the Ark of Destiny, letting them know that we aren't taking any more of this crap!  …I've got it!  We'll be the Society For Cruelty To Memory Figures!"

                Jet nudged Clive and whispered, "she's so cute when she's decisive."  Clive merely grinned.

                "Okay, so now that we've got a name, what are we going to do?" asked Maya.

                "As the name implies, we go around being cruel to Memory Figures until the Ark changes their programming back to what it used to be!  Now, troops, off to Gunner's Heaven to play Kick The Memory Figure!"

*        *        *

                And so The Society For Cruelty To Memory Figures traveled the world over, abusing Memory Figures as they went.  They played Kick The Memory Figure, which was basically soccer with the Figure as the ball.  The Ark of Destiny tried to catch them, but they always arrived too late.

                But that all changed on one fateful day…

*        *        *

                Virginia stood at her podium, finishing off her speech.

                "And I say," she yelled, "are we gonna leave any Memory Figures unabused?!"

                "NO!" chorused the others.

                "Good!"  Virginia hopped down from the podium.  "Now, what Figures haven't we abused yet?"

                "Well, there's the one at the Ark of Destiny," said Andie.

                "Time to make our presence known, then!  Let's go!"

                They arrived at the Ark of Destiny in short order and proceeded to march in.  Albert was there, waiting for them.  He did a double take.

                "Andie!?  Why!?"

                She shrugged.  "Just cause.  Now, will you idiots reprogram the Memory Figures, or do we have to keep abusing them?" 

                "No!" cried Albert, "we'll fix them!   Just don't destroy them anymore!  Please!"

                And the Society For Cruelty To Memory Figures lived anticlimactically ever after.

The End 

Well, that was the first of my Memory Figure Series.  The next installment will be "Interview With A Memory Figure."  I'm gonna do that one a bit differently than I usually do, and for it, I'm asking for some audience participation.  Wanna ask a Memory Figure a question?  ^_^ Just add it in the review (or e-mail me.  Doesn't matter) and mention which MF you'd like to ask it of.  ^_^ Come on, *imitates Rin* it could be… fun.  ^_^  (And I should probably mention that I won't be back until sometime July because of moving so don't feel rushed.  ^_^)

Now I'll take a bit of time to reply to some of the reviews I've gotten:

Jumi-Pearl and Hockey Girl – About your review of the second chapter of Short Stories:  *Takes a deep breath* AHHHH!  AHHHH!  *Continues to run around screaming until hitting a wall*  *BAM* Urg…anyone else just go to a scary visual place?  Anyway, just to reassure you, that was not meant to be Clive/Virginia.  They're just friends.  I'm strictly Jet/Virginia, Clive/Catherine.  ^_^

aya-yahiko - Oh, I'm sure Catherine is a wonderful cook, it's just her cookies.  ^_^  Funny thing about "Cookies" is that it was inspired by the cookies my mom made a while back.  ^_^

And for those of you who want me to write a sequel to Clive And The Attack Of The Deranged Weedwhacker - Well, that ending was a joke, much like the ending of Mel Brooks' History Of The World Part 1.  But I may write one anyway, if I can come up with a plot that doesn't basically rehash the first one.  ^_^

(And did anyone else notice that the names of the Memory Figures were ripped off from the dwarves in The Hobbit?  I wonder if that's something Square did when they translated the game, or if it was always that way.  ^_^)


	2. The Black Sheep

Author's note/disclaimer:  I don't own Wild ARMs 3.  It belongs to Media Vision/Sony.  I also don't own Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, which I have majorly ripped off.  ^_^

This one is short.  And strange.  That's all I'm gonna say about it.  ^_^ I live in my own, deranged little world.  ^_________^

**"The Black Sheep"**

**Written by Skylark Starflower**

**Started June 1, 2003**

**Finished June 2, 2003**

                "Kaitlyn!  Time for bed!"

                Kaitlyn came to her mother's call.  "Do I have to?" she asked.

                Catherine was about to reply when Clive stood and held out his hand to shush her.  "Come on, Kaitlyn.  I'll read you a bedtime story," he said.

                "Yay!"  Kaitlyn ran to her room.  Catherine laid a hand on Clive's shoulder.

                "I don't know how you do it," she said as she hugged him.  He smiled, a hint of mischief dancing in his bright blue eyes.

                "I guess I just have a knack.  But Kaitlyn is waiting, so I should be going."  With that, Clive headed off to Kaitlyn's bedroom.  The young girl was already in her pajamas and in bed, eagerly awaiting her story.

                "Will you read me one of your stories, daddy?" she asked.  Clive pulled out his notebook and flipped through it.  

                "I've got one about a Memory Figure at the Ark Of Destiny.  Will that be all right?"

                "Yeah!  I like your stories, daddy.  They're silly."

                Clive smiled and began to read…

*        *        *

                _He was blue.  All of the other Memory Figures were red.  But he was blue.  He was different._

_                Bombur had always been different.  For one thing, he could not speak.  All of the other Memory Figures could talk.  He was lighter, and easily pushed around.  And those were only a couple of the many differences._

_                He desperately wanted to fit in.  He once heard about a gathering for Memory Figures, the Memory Figure Games.  At these games, Figures would challenge each other to see who was better at standing still.  Wanting to go so badly, he had himself painted red.  The ruse had worked, for a while.  The other Figures had accepted him to the gathering.  That is, until it started to rain, washing the paint off and showing his blue colour for the entire world to see.  Then the other Figures had laughed._

_                Bombur had left then, feeling sorry for himself.  While he was heading home, he met up with an Elw.  This Elw was different from his kind.  He was a technology nut, and because of this, the other Elws had ridiculed him.  He and Bombur had decided to leave on an incredible journey of self-discovery together. _

                They had not been traveling for long when they met up with Roykman, the traveling merchant.  He invited them to join him in his travels, and the three went around Filgaia, meeting new and exciting people and having grand adventures.

_                Or perhaps not.  Bombur merely went home._

_                Then, suddenly, it was the day the men from the Ark Of Destiny came around to choose the Memory Figures to place in the towns of Filgaia to help out Drifters in need.  Bombur went to the meeting, certain he would not be chosen.  Indeed, the other Memory Figures were chosen before him, and soon, he was the only Figure left not chosen.  It looked like he would be left behind, but then…_

_                "Oh, he's so cute!"  Linda ran over and hugged the little blue Memory Figure.  "Can we keep him?"_

_                Lamium crossed his arms and looked perplexed.  "But we've already chosen Orley to act as the Ark's Figure.  What could this little oddity possibly be useful for?"_

_                "I don't know, but he's too cute to leave!"  Linda didn't let up her death grip on Bombur._

_                Lamium smiled.  "Okay, we can keep it.  But you have to look after it."_

_                "Yay!" cheered Linda._

_                And Bombur was happy.  He had finally been accepted for what he was._

*        *        *

                Clive put the notebook down and smiled.  He pulled the covers up around Kaitlyn's sleeping form.  She was the only person he would ever share his stories with.  She was the only other person he could think of who would appreciate his weird sense of humour.  

                Clive left the room.  Catherine shook her head when she saw him reenter the living room.  "I still don't understand how you can do that."

                He put an arm around her shoulder as they headed to their own bedroom and just smiled.

**The End.**

And just for the fun of it:  

Cast list (or, who was ripping off who's role ^_^) 

Bombur                   Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

Elw                          …that stupid elf who wanted to be a dentist.  What the frig was his name again?

Roykman               Yukon Cornelius

Lamium                  Santa Claus (sorta)

Linda                      Herself.  …Yeah…


	3. Interview With A Memory Figure

Author's Note/Disclaimer:  I don't own WA 3.  It belongs to those kind people at Media Vision and Sony.  All hail them!  ^_^  I also don't own any of the references made to Astroboy, The Blair Witch Project, Sunset Riders, FF VII, FF VIII, Animaniacs or the Scooby Doo movie.

I am genius!  I got my speakers hooked up all by myself!  Yay!  ^_^

Anyway, here's the next installment of the Memory Figure series, a joint work with Nick Contra.  (And by joint, I don't mean we were smoking pot while writing it, but we may as well have been!  ^_^) Sorry this took so long, but I've only just gotten back from a trip to New Brunswick (My little three cylinders Putt Putt car survived Montreal!  Twice!) and now I'm moved into my new place and don't have Internet yet.  If this gets posted before July, it's because I'm borrowing either my sister's or my boyfriend's net.  ^_^ Anyway, good to be back, and here's some more zaniness.  Oh, and be forewarned, characters may seem a little OOC in this.  ^_^

**"Interview With A Memory Figure"**

**Scripted by Skylark Starflower and Nick Contra**

**Acted and filmed by the cast of Wild ARMs 3**

**Started May 28, 2003**

**Finished June 1, 2003**

(3…2…1…beep)

(The scene opens to a badly painted sign that reads 'Interviews With Memory Figures'.  The right side dips slightly to show Gallows.)

Gallows:  Oops, slipped.

(The left side wobbles a bit as Clive, who is holding the other end, slaps his forehead.)

Jet's Voice:  (From behind the camera) Come on, guys!  Sky'll have our heads if we screw this up!

(The sign is straightened and Virginia comes out to stand in front of it.)

Virginia:  Hello all, and welcome to 'Interview With A Memory Figure'.

Jet's Voice:  (Hissing) That's 'Interviews With Memory Figures!'

Virginia:  (Turns to look at the sign.) Oh, so it is.  Anyway, welcome to the show.  To start, we will be talking to Philly, the –

(Virginia is interrupted when Gallows once again drops his end of the sign.  Clive loses his grip as well, and the sign crashes to the ground.)

Gallows:  (Sweatdrops) Oops.

Clive:  (Shakes his head and sighs.)

(The picture suddenly turns sideways, then to fuzz.  When the camera is turned back on, Virginia is standing in front of Jolly Roger's Memory Figure.)

Virginia:  Jet!  Turn that off!  I'm not ready yet!  Where's my script!?

(The camera is set down and Jet runs past the screen, disappearing into the saloon.  He soon returns, hauling Clive with him.)

Jet:  I know you don't want to do this, but hiding the script won't stop the show, and you know it!

(Clive just grins stupidly and hands the script to Virginia as Jet picks up the camera again.)

Virginia:  (Gives Clive a strange look) Are you drunk?

Clive:  (Slurred) Off course not!  (He spins around for no apparent reason and topples over onto his back, giggling.)

Virginia:  Right.  (She backs away and turns towards the camera.)  Today, we are talking to Philly, the Memory Figure from Jolly Roger.  How are you today, Philly?

Philly:  Beep I'M GOOD, VIRGINIA…

Virginia:  So, Philly, when you were just a little Memory Figure, what were your dreams for the future?

Philly:  Beep OH, YOU KNOW…  I WANTED TO BE A DRIFTER, BUT THEN MY DAD REMINDED ME THAT I'D NEVER BE ABLE TO WALK…  SO NOW I SIT HERE ALL DAY AND LISTEN TO PEOPLE TALK.

Virginia:  Really?  So, if you can't walk, why do you have legs?

Philly:  Beep WELL, I CAN SORT OF HOP…

(Philly starts to rock and suddenly falls over.)

Philly:  Beep HELP, I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP…

(The camera shakes as Jet snickers.  Virginia sweatdrops and picks Philly up.)

Virginia:  Anyway, Philly… what's it like not having any arms?

Philly:  Beep MUST YOU REMIND ME OF THE SHAME OF MY KIND…?  sniff

Virginia:  Um… There, there… (Pats Philly and consults the script) So, do you ever find yourself possessed of the uncontrollable urge to scream, "I have no hands"?

Philly:  Beep I-

(He's interrupted as Clive runs in front of the camera.)

Clive:  Gallows, catch!  ^_^

(Clive throws a lit bomb at Gallows, who catches it out of reflex.)

Gallows' Voice:  Oh, hell!

(Gallows throws the bomb away, and it rolls up beside Philly.)

Philly:  Beep OH, SHI-

*BOOM*

(Philly now lies in a smoking heap.  Without thinking, Jet chucks the camera at Clive's head.)

Jet's Voice:  Clive, you drunken bastar-

(The camera hits Clive in the head and the shot is reduced to static.  When next it is turned on, the picture is upside down.  Jet, Virginia, Clive and Gallows are standing by the big rock at the Baskar Colony.  Clive looks particularly hung over and has a bandage wrapped around his head.)

Clive:  (Groans) Look, I said I was sorry.  What more do you want?

Virginia:  Well, you could interview Torin.

Clive:  Urg… Must I?

Virginia:  Well…  it's either that or I'll tell Catherine some horrid lie about you and Melody.  ^_^

Clive:  Y- you wouldn't…

Virginia:  Try me.

Clive:  All right.  Fine.  Could I please see the script?

(Virginia hands the script to Clive and he glances through it.  He stops on a page.)

Clive:  I have to ask the Memory Figure that?!

(Virginia just grins.  Jet disappears behind the camera and the picture turns upside right.  Clive walks over to Torin.)

Clive:  I… uh… (Looks at the camera and freezes.)

Gallows' Voice:  Oh, great!  He's camera shy!

(Gallows stalks over to Clive and smacks him upside the head with the Steady Doll.)

Gallows:  Get going!

Clive:  Ack!  Ow, ow, ow!  All right!  (Turns to Torin as Gallows stalks back off screen) So, uh, you are Torin?

Torin:  Beep YES… (Rolls his eyes)

Clive:  (Consults script) Okay, I should ask… oh, dear… (Hides his face behind the script and is somewhat muffled) Are you flammable?

Torin:  Beep WHAT…?  WHY DO YOU WANNA KNOW THAT…?

Clive:  (Sighs) I do not.  I'm just required to ask it.

Torin:  Beep I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU THAT…!

Clive:  (Looks at the script again) In that case… (Stares pleadingly at the sky) I cannot believe she scripted for this eventuality.  Virginia, could you come over here, please?

(Virginia walks over and Clive shows her a section of the script.)

Virginia:  Seriously?  Well, all right.

(Virginia pulls out her Tindercrest.)

*FOOM*

Torin:  (On fire)  Beep YAAARGH…!

(Torin attempts to run around, but only falls over.)

Torin:  Beep YAAARGH…!

*FWOOSH*

(Gallows uses the Freezer Doll to put out the flames.)

Torin:  Beep THANK YOU…  I THINK…

Clive:  (Stands Torin up again) All right, next is…  oh, my.

Torin:  Beep WHAT…?

Clive:  (Sighs) Are you inflammable?

Torin:  Beep WHAT…?  BUT THAT'S THE SAME AS – OH, NO…

*FOOM*

Torin:  Beep YAAARGH…!

*FWOOSH*

Torin:  Beep GO AWAY…  PLEASE…

Clive:  (Sweatdrops) Um… yes, and that is all for now.

(The screen goes black for a few seconds then comes back on at Gunners Heaven.)

Virginia:  (Standing in front of Dwallin) Welcome back to 'Interviews With Memory Figures'.  Today, we're talking to Dwallin, from Gunners Heaven.  My first question is… hold on… (Consults script) …hurk!

(Virginia drops the script and runs off.  Clive goes and picks it up and reads it.)

Clive:  (Turns green) Oh, my…  Umm…  Gallows, your turn!

(Clive throws the script to Gallows.)

Gallows:  Okay!  (Without thinking, he reads the question to Dwallin.) So, you anatomically correct?

Dwallin:  Beep YES…  AND IT'S FULLY FUNCTIONAL…

Clive:  ARGH!!!  (Tries to crush his head with the Mighty Gloves)

Jet's Voice:  (As the camera is falling) Agghh!  More than I needed to know!

(The camera hits the floor.  The picture jumps a bit and then straightens out, filming the ceiling.)

Jet's Voice:  Clive, give me those!

(There's the sound of a scuffle and then a sound like an oversized pop can being crushed.  Jet then appears over the camera wearing Clive's Mighty Gloves and picks up the camera.  Before it goes to static, there is a quick shot of Dwallin, who is now scrunched like a beer can hit by a bus.  When the camera is turned back on, it's filming Clive sleeping.  Clive is snoring loudly and drooling.  You can hear Gallows snickering.)

Kaitlyn's Voice:  Shhh… you'll wake daddy up!

Gallows' Voice:  Heh, hee, hee!  I think we have enough footage now.

(The camera is turned off.  When it comes back on, Virginia is standing next to Oin.  You can see Kaitlyn running around in the background.)

Virginia:  Welcome back once again.  We're here on location in Humphrey's Peak, talking to Oin.

Oin:  Beep HELLO, VIRGINIA…

Virginia:  So, Oin, why do all you Memory Figures speak like NORG without the hyphens?

Oin:  Beep WELL, YOU SEE, THERE'S THIS COMPUTER VIRUS GOING AROUND…  THE ARK HASN'T QUITE WORKED IT OUT OF THE SYSTEM YET…

Virginia:  I see.  What's this virus called?

Oin:  Beep UH, THE norg VIRUS, YOU STUPID GIT…

Virginia:  Hey!  There's no need to get nasty.  Anyway, next question.  (Consults script again and blinks.)  …do you bounce?

Oin:  Beep THAT'S AN INTRIGUING QUESTION, AND –

(Oin is interrupted by Clive's angry bellow from off side.)

Clive's Voice:  GALLOWS!!  I WILL CRUSH YOUR BONES INTO DUST!

(Gallows goes running past the screen.  Shortly after, Clive goes sprinting by after him.  Virginia blinks as Kaitlyn walks over to her.)

Kaitlyn:  (Holds her hands behind her back and rocks on her feet, looking up at Virginia.)  Mommy told daddy about the tape me and Uncle Gallows made.

Virginia:  (Sweatdrops) Thank you for clearing that up, Kaitlyn, but we're trying to film a show here.

Kaitlyn:  Okay, luv you!  Buh-bye!  (She skips off.)

(Virginia is about to ask Oin to continue when Gallows runs past and trips on the Memory Figure.  He barrels into Jet, and the camera crashes to the ground.  The image goes to static.  When it returns, it's showing the group minus Jet in Laxisland.)

Virginia:  Jet, what are you doing?  We aren't ready to film yet!

Jet's Voice:  Prepare, then!  I'm gonna go talk to Roswell.

(There's a crunching sound as the shot moves over to a young man with grey-blue hair.)

Jet's Voice:  Heya, Roswell.  What do your associates from the sea of stars say today?

Roswell:  Ventura!  Ventura!  There's talk of a Memory Figure conspiracy!  They say they are spies for the Pink Mexican!

Jet's Voice:  Sure.  So, nothing new on the Creeping Chaos front then?

Roswell: (Shakes his head) No, just the Pink Mexican.

Jet's Voice:  Okay, thanks.

(The shot travels back to the others.  Virginia is ready, standing in front of Berlin.)

Jet's Voice:  All ready, then?

Virginia:  Yes.

Jet's Voice:  Then let's go.

Virginia:  Back again for another edition of 'Interviews With Memory Figures.'  We're here in Laxisland with Berlin.  So, Berlin, we know you Memory Figures are great with people, but what's your take on animals?

Berlin:  Beep CATS ARE OKAY, BUT DOGS AND BIRDS…!  WELL, BIRDS HAVE STOPPED BEING AS MUCH OF A PROBLEM SINCE THE ARK PROGRAMMED US TO WOBBLE OCCASIONALLY, BUT DOGS…!  DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH RUST REMOVER COSTS…!?

Virginia:  No, how much?

(Berlin is about to reply when he's interrupted by a yell.)

Voice:  Take cover!

(Everyone dives clear and the camera gets a shot of some feet running by as it falls to the ground.  There is the sound of an explosion and bits of debris start raining past the shot.)

Jet's Voice:  Holy shit!

(The camera is lifted and focuses on the smoking remains of Berlin, the scorched outer wall of the saloon and Roswell.  Roswell is carrying a bazooka.)

Roswell:  Ventura!  Ventura!  My associates in the sea of stars say we need to eliminate the menace before it's too late!

(Clive runs by with his hair on fire, screaming.  The shot goes black.  When the picture returns, it's dark and Virginia has her face up close to the lens.  She's trying not to laugh.)

Virginia:  Hee, hee… always wanted to do this…

(Virginia straightens herself out and holds the camera under her chin, trying (and failing) to look scared and upset.)

Virginia:  (Sniffling)  I'm … so sorry, Aunt Shalte … I hauled my friends into the wasteland and got them involved in something as lofty as justice and … I'm so sorry!  (Breaks down into fake tears.)

Gallows' Voice:  Virginia!?  Where've ya got to?  You coming back to camp?!

(Virginia giggles and stands.  She flips the camera sideways and turns it off.  When the camera comes back on, the picture is black.)

Clive's Voice:  Jet!  Take the lens cap off!

(The lens cap comes off to show Virginia standing in front of Kealey in Boot Hill.)

Virginia:  Hello, Kealey.  So, how do you like my hometown, Boot Hill?

Kealey:  Beep BOOT HILL IS A NICE ENOUGH TOWN… AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THAT MUTT AWAY FROM ME…

Virginia:  Who, Killer?  Oh, he's harmless!

Kealey:  Beep YEAH, RIGHT…

Virginia:  Okay, first question.  Is Astroboy like your god?

Kealey:  Beep YES…  EVERY DAY WE PRAY TO THE CREATOR, AND EVERY SUNDAY ALL MEMORY FIGURES GO TO THE CHURCH OF ASTROBOY… WE LIVE BY THE WORD, AND THE WORD IS…  WAIT…  I'M AFRAID I CANNOT SHARE THAT WITH YOU…  IT GOES AGAINST THE TEACHINGS…

Virginia:  How…  Yes, moving on.  (Checks script)  …do you often receive savage beatings from people who dislike small, freaky Mexican robots?

Kealey:  Beep YES, ALL THE TIME… IN FACT, HERE COMES THE LYNCH MOB NOW…

(The camera pans to show Tesla, Shalte, Armengard, Neil, etc. coming down the path with clubs, bats and torches.)

Virginia:  OKAY, THAT'S IT!  I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

(Virginia walks over, wrenches the camera from Jet, and the picture cuts to a test pattern.)

**The End.**


End file.
